Lifestyle | Minute Musings

5 ways to Forgive and Stay Mentally Strong

Posted on April 5, 2020 by Nikhil Anand

It is always said that forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. But in the real world, nobody knows what people mean when they use this term “strong”. How strong is one supposed to be in order to be in a state of forgiving someone’s sin or forgiving some of his close friends and relatives for having betrayed them? The answer is largely unknown. The art of forgiveness is a tough one to handle especially if you have to forget your lover for cheating on you. How to master this art of forgiveness and be strong in every sense of the word? Read on to know more.

Look Back at Your emotions and Thought

It is a common thing to notice that people tend to get engrossed in this forgiveness dilemma that they stop looking at their own emotions. If something is stereotyped as a bad thing, you don’t even bother to ask your own opinion and just go with the flow that the mistake committed by your loved one is a big mistake. This is simply not the right way of handling things. If you have issues with your past or the worries of future are bothering you, then you should know that it is your mind that is playing tricks with you and not you who is creating them. You should be strong enough to be the sole creator of your own emotions and watch them carefully. This is beautifully described in a bestseller titled ‘Power of your Subconscious Mind’. Sometimes it is better to forgive and forget than to remember and regret, isn’t it?

Seeking Vengeance? Do it the other way!

When you have issues with something or when you are simply getting mad at someone, the best way of making them feel bad is by giving a sweet smile to them instead of back answering them or talking to them. Smile when it hurts the most. This thing can confuse people. When you react to something bad being done on to you, others seem to enjoy because they know that their actions are bothering you. So why make them feel so special? You should instead continue smiling and walking in your journey of life without looking back at those people. There can’t be a better revenge than this. Never try to seek vengeance. Forgive all and move ahead in your life. You can take revenge by living a better life without those people and making them realize that they had no rights to spoil your life and you are happy in your life without them. Forgive and forget and then live on.

It is not necessary to forgive every mistake

Yes, we all know that forgiveness is something that everyone must have in their character traits. But at the same time, you should be sensible enough to understand which mistakes are meant to be forgiven. Not every mistake deserves forgiveness. Imagine a situation in which someone murders your close one. You cannot simply be a sage and forgive the murderer for doing so. Yes the example was a very vague one; but the intent of the example is crystal clear. Try to read between the lines to understand this.There is a thin line between mistakes, crimes, and sins. You can forgive someone for their mistakes, the almighty will take care of the sins; but you cannot forgive anyone for the crimes.

Love is the answer

Most of the times when you get disappointed because of the actions of some of your friends and closed ones, you tend to feel that loneliness. Sometimes you should know that you need to forgive without expecting any apologies from the other end. If you keep your ego at the back of your mind, than there is no reason why your relationship will not get jeopardized. It is often very easy to sabotage one’s relationships with other people because of a few fights and misunderstandings. You should rather think of those people with love and compassion. Forgive the past, forgive yourself, forgive others, and love the present moment for what it’s worth. Loving is never easy, especially when times are rough, yet it is easily the most formidable and positively persistent action possible. yet again, forgive and forget.

Take a break; Introspect

Yes. This is probably the most important aspect of your mental health and your mind. You might be in two minds when it comes to forgiving people. You shouldn’t be. Always remember that you have enough time to take the right call. You might forgive someone in the rush of time but later regret it. Similarly, you might punish someone and later realize that maybe you could have forgiven them. Should you forgive? The most important part of forgiving someone is the alone phase. Have some time with your inner self. Try to analyze the situation and understand what perspired and what the possible reasons were for that. Introspection will give you the right frame of mind to decide. Who knows, you might end up changing your decision in this process and eventually take the right call? Always take a break when you are hurt. This is the secret of life.

Perfection doesn’t exist. Forgiveness is habitually the simple apprehension that there is nothing that actually needs to be forgiven.

The post was originally posted on tiptoplifestyle.com in 2014. I had penned down this post for Dose Media.

7 Qualities Your Partner Should Have

Posted on April 5, 2020 by Nikhil Anand

While the reasons we fall in love are often a mystery, the reasons we stay in love are far less elusive! The early months of a relationship can feel effortless and exciting, but successful long-term relationships involve ongoing effort and compromise by both partners. Building healthy patterns early in your relationship can establish a solid foundation for the long run. There may be no such thing as the perfect partner, but an ideal partner can be found in someone who has developed themselves in certain ways that go beyond looks, charms and success. Here are some of the qualities an ideal partner should have.

Qualities of an Ideal Partner

A partner should be able to Build, Explore and Establish

Build a foundation of appreciation and respect. Focus on all the considerate things your partner says and does. Happy couples make a point of noticing even small opportunities to say “thank you” to their partner, rather than focusing on mistakes their partner has made. Explore each other’s interests so that you have a long list of things to enjoy together. Try new things together to expand mutual interests. Establish a pattern of apologizing if you make a mistake or hurt your partner’s feelings. Saying “I’m sorry” may be hard in the moment, but it goes a long way towards healing a rift in a relationship. Your partner will trust you more if he or she knows that you will take responsibility for your words and actions.

Maturity

This statement is not meant to echo the ever-advised mantra that maturity is important. Being “grown up” isn’t merely a matter of not acting like a kid anymore. It’s not about a boyfriend who remembers to take out the trash or a girlfriend who never runs late. These qualities are nice, but to truly grow up means making an active effort to recognize and resolve negative influences from our past. They develop a strong sense of independence and autonomy. As they evolve within themselves, they are less likely to look for someone to compensate for shortcomings and weaknesses or to complete their incompleteness. Instead, they’re looking for someone to share life with as equals and to appreciate independently of themselves. Naturally, becoming emotionally mature ourselves helps with this process and dramatically improves our chances of achieving a solid and rewarding relationship.

Being Respectful of and sensitive to the other

It’s a necessity to respect one another, in terms of goals, success, accomplishments, thoughts, feelings and desires. Respecting each other’s qualities gives immense support to make the relationship work. If you dislike something about your partner you must not make fun of it and let your partner feel ashamed about it. That’s where you need to be a friend and support your partner and help him/her overcome it. Ideal partners respect the others’ interests separate from their own. Keeping in mind that everyone is not born perfect, you must learn to accept your partner the way he/she is.

Being open and non-defensive – Restrain yourself!

Research has found that couples who “edit” themselves and do not say all the angry things they may be thinking are typically the happiest. An ideal partner should be true, undefended and vulnerable. He/she should share or speak out his/her ideologies, feelings, thoughts, dreams, desires. This helps in better understanding. Also, one must accept his/her faults because every relation is built on the thread of trust, which once broken can never be as smooth as the initial one. A “win-win” stance means that your goal is for the relationship, rather than for either partner, to “win” in a conflict situation. Ask yourself: “Is what I am about to say (or do) going to increase or decrease the odds that we’ll work this problem out?”

Sense of humor

An ideal partner has good sense of humor. The ability of a partner to laugh at one’s self and at the foibles of life helps in decreasing the stress between both the partners. Here, a life-partner acts as a friend where he/she tries to sort out trifles or bigger issues with lesser stress and lesser impulsive decisions. Sense of humor acts as a life-saver in a relationship. It allows a person to maintain a proper perspective while dealing with sensitive issues. Moreover, it’s always good to have fun with your better half.

Communicating with the partner

Disagreements in a relationship are not only normal but, if constructively resolved, actually strengthen the relationship. It is inevitable that there will be times of sadness, tension, or outright anger between you and your partner. Reduce the communication-gap and listen to what your partner wants to convey to you. Be a good listener and resolve any conflicts that are creating distances between you and your partner. Give yourself permission to try out some new ways of handling conflict.Contrary to previous notions, the best time to resolve a conflict may not be immediate. It is not unusual for one or both partners to need some time to cool off. This “time-out’ period can help you avoid saying or doing hurtful things in the heat of the moment, and can help partners more clearly identify what changes are most important. Healthy communication is critical, especially when there are important decisions regarding career, marriage, and family to be made.

Establish an Atmosphere of Emotional Support

Emotional support involves accepting your partner’s differences and not insisting that he or she meet your needs only in the precise way that you want them met. Find out how your partner shows his or her love for you, and don’t set absolute criteria that require your partner to always behave differently before you’re satisfied. Providing emotional support to your partner will strengthen your relationship. Both the partners should be there for each other when one requires support relating to any kind of family and personal problems. Your partner will bestow that level of trust on you, and you will definitely be more than a life partner for him/her.

The post was originally written for www.tiptoplifestyle.com in 2014.

5 Things to Stop NOW, to Avoid Lifelong Regrets

Posted on March 25, 2020 by Nikhil Anand

If I tell you this is your last day, will you be doing what you are doing right now?

10 odd years down the line, there will be many events, decisions, and people you would have regrets about. This is purely natural. After all, to err is humane. And we pretty much know that we will have regrets about our past actions. It is not very easy to make the right call in every situation. But this particular sort of a mental damage can be marginalized to a great extent by following some simple tricks of living your life.

As an individual, you may come across many new challenges in your day to day life. How you deal with them; lies completely in your hand. Here are the list of 10 things you should stop doing in the present in order to avoid lifelong regrets. Read on.

It’s not your Dream!

The most common regret that people have in their life is that they feel they missed out on the opportunity of fulfilling their cherished dream. People have the habit of trying to live someone else’s dream. In the process of doing so, they forget themselves and their own aspirations and desires. In most cases, people in their younger age fail to recognize their own talents and dreams, and thus fall prey to the wishes of their parents or the society. Even if they do not have the right will towards doing something, they tend to pursue career in that particular field which their parents choose for them. Find your dreams and know what you are good at in the early stage of your life and live with no regrets. No matter how severe the obstacles are, never quit. Strive hard and hard to attain your goal. Try to get a best of both worlds?

Trying to be Someone Else

We have role models and we revere celebrities. There is no harm in it. But sometimes people idolize other people who are entirely different from them. Soon they start changing themselves in order to be like their role models. They start living a life of person who they are nowhere related to. What is the point of living someone else’s life? This is yet another regret that people have in their life. So just be yourself and stop committing this mistake. You are good and unique the way you are. Love yourself and let the regrets go away!

Building a Web of Lies

One thing that I have learnt from my mistakes is that I should never lie. Funnily enough, I do not even remember the things I have lied to different people. I know I could get in trouble because of that.

No matter how old you are, you always have some things in your mind which you hesitate to leak out simply because you fear the reactions of other people towards your call. As a result of this, you end up with a lie which forms the base for a series or a web of lies. Believe it or not, these lies will never let you live with peace in your life. No matter how severe the impacts could be, always stick to the truth. If you build up your present on the basis of such lies, you will end up nowhere in the future. The most content man is the one who has no secrets and nothing to hide. He lives a life with no regrets. The secret to a happy living is giving up on all lies and telling the truth in every situation and thus avoiding regrets in life. You might get into trouble because of this, but this trouble is always a short lived one. Never have regrets speaking the truth.

It is about Living the Moment

Most of the people refrain from doing things simply because they are scared of the reactions and the outcomes that may perspire in future because of the things they do in the present – the fear of failure?

Due to this, they fail to enjoy the very essence of life. It is a very common thing to see people not live in the present. In this process of regretting the past and planning for the future, they forget to live the present moment. The past is inevitable and the future is unpredictable. So why live your life around these facets of tenses where all you can have is mere regrets? You should always live in the present and stop worrying about the things that could possibly happen because of your actions and thus remove these regrets from your life.

Not having a Stand

If you believe that whatever you are doing in your life is the right thing, then you should have the chutzpah to stand by your own actions and words in the future. There is no point in living a life where your decisions and mindset flickers every second and you are preoccupied with regrets. If you see something wrong happening right in front of your eyes, have the guts to take action against it and stand for yourself and for others. If you do not do this in your life, it would be a sin committed and the regrets would linger forever. This would give very deep regrets and in the future even if you try to change your actions, you would be found wanting to do so.

Life is all about making right calls and living without regrets. No decision is correct or wrong. It is up to you how you see the things and avoid such regrets. Take the decisions and then try to prove them right. This is the essence to a happy living.

The post was originally posted on tiptoplifestyle.com in 2014. I had written this post for Dose Media.

6 Things to do instead of Complaining!

Posted on March 25, 2020 by Nikhil Anand

I have met a lot of people who feel that the world is a selfish place to live in and they always complain about one thing or the other – could be heartbreak, a failure, or sheer disgust and disappointment. Obviously, when the chips are down and your back is against the wall, you are left with no other choice than complain. It is the human psychology that makes them feel better when they rant or express their disappointment. You must have seen a lot of people telling others ‘don’t keep it in your heart, express it, express your anger…”.

Why though?! Instead, you can do other things instead of complaining. Why should you be thinking about the problems when you can simply think about the solutions and make a change instead? Thinking and talking about a problem only attracts it more towards you. Try doing one of these things instead of complaining:

Say Thank You instead

The act of gratitude is the best that one can do instead of complaining in most of the situations. If some person is giving you some serious problems, simply turn up to them and say a thank you. Complaining will never be a solution. The more you complain, the happier other people get because that is what their agenda is, to trouble you. So why let them be successful in their evil deeds? Say a thank you and take them by surprise. Sooner or later, they themselves might realize that they are wrong and things might get easier to you. And all of this would come without any complaining issues! In cases when you can’t thank the people, spare a minute to thank the almighty for the situations he has created for you and have faith that things would get better.

Let go

This is more of something that follows the previous point. You need to thank people for whatever they have done to you. The moment you show an action of gratitude from your end, you should consider yourself free from them and start a new road. Sometimes it is a lot more prudent to let go than to keep holding on to situations and relations. You need to take a few bold steps at some stage of the other. So instead of complaining, let things go. This might help you control your own mind and soul. “Living in the past is living with regret, living in the future is living with anxiety, and living in the present is living in peace.”

Exercise

Yes. This is a good way of keeping the habit of complaining away from you. When you do some physical exercise, your mental stress reduces and thus your chances of ranting and complaining reduce by quite some extent. Moreover, exercising enables you to shift your mindset from a negative one to a positive one.

Have a plan of action

You start complaining when you see that things are not working out the way you want them to work out for you. So instead of complaining, you should take the responsibility of changing the situation around you and thus be a help to yourself. It can be difficult to get started, so by writing everything down, you will start developing more and more focus and the will to change everything will grow manifold which is bound to change the atmosphere around you. This is a good way of getting rid of the complaining zone, isn’t it? Use your calendar to schedule time and you will be in a much strong position from the start.

Praise Others

Most of the times, you might be wondering that things are just so not in the right place for you. So you should be optimistic enough to see how things are turning out to be for the others. There is no harm in feeling good for others when you yourself are in dire straits. Moreover, when you are in a grumpy mood and have no reason to stop complaining, you should remain strong enough to deviate yourself from this grumpiness and praise others. Believe it or not, the more you praise others, the better you start feeling. Just like the act of appreciativeness, making someone else happy by giving them commendation and appreciation will make you happier. Why not make someone else feel virtuous and spread the joy around?

It is the Success that Matters

People are often lame enough when they focus more on their weaknesses than on their strengths. If you have failed in any of your efforts, than instead of blaming the circumstances and complaining about the spilt milk, you should get your act back together and try to gear up for bigger challenges and get success for yourself. Your focus should be more on the success part rather than on the failures. This is the reason people who come from disadvantaged backgrounds are more likely to remain part of a disadvantaged group. You should know that failures, be it in any of your business endeavors or in any relationship, are the stepping stones to success. Its an old adage that we all know but still doubt our own capabilities. Stop being pessimistic and start focusing on success. Stop complaining right away!

“There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.” Don’t sit around waiting for your life to change; go out and change it. If something makes you unhappier, don’t sit around complaining—do something about it.

This post was initially posted on tiptoplifestyle.com. I had written this back in 2014 for Dose Media.

What is your day like?

Posted on October 14, 2019 by Nikhil Anand

A very irrelevant pic, but bleh, it looks good.

In the last few days, I have been quite fortunate to bring out my best version. Also, I feel lucky to know a few people who are very interested in knowing how I go about my day. Feels special to have such people around. Some of them wish to tag along, and some of them find it quite motivating. #Grateful

Here is what my every day story looks like:

I get up at 530AM in the morning and rush to my gym that is about 100m from my house. Well, I chose a gym that was nearby so that I don’t use the distance and traveling part as an excuse to skip gym. I am in process of optimizing this by building up my own home gym now.

At the gym, I play around with light weights, and focus on cardio. This is because with a fasted stomach, cardio yields better results. After the workout, it is time for a good heavy breakfast.

I head to my workplace at 8 and spend the next 9 hours at the office (almost 9 hours :P). I try to optimize my time by working smart. During my time at the office, I have three other meals (mid-morning snack, lunch, and post-lunch snack). As soon as I head home from the office, I head back to the gym at 5PM.

At the gym, I work out for 45 minutes and I focus on strength training with heaviest weights possible. After the gym, I have another snack and I get my dinner ready. Then, I use the next couple of hours for my ‘Me time’. I will get to the ‘Me time’ in another section later in the post. Unless I have a high priority goal coming up (business goal or any personal goal), I strictly follow my ‘Me time’.

And then, I doze off.

Me-time

Well, there are a bunch of things I am interested in. And they are vastly different. I cannot really club them together or work on them everyday. So I pick out days for every hobby of mine.

Monday – Content Writing/Blogging
Tuesday – YouTube/YouTube Marketing
Wednesday – Guitar
Thursday – Calisthenics
Friday – Social media
Saturday – (Reserved)
Sunday – Cricket/Badminton/reserved

Sounds very templated, but I keep changing this based on what fancies me week after week. And it’s fun. 🙂